Tag Archives: romance review

Magnificent Bastard by Lili Valente

Hands down, “Magnificent Bastard” is the best title I have ever heard for a romance novel, contemporary or otherwise. I’m going to start a list just so I can put this book at #1 and Manaconda at #2.

Gold star

These are for you, Lili Valente. Well done!

Joining the ranks of kissing book Sebastians, no pressure, it’s just the by-word for “ultimate hero“, is “Bash” Prince who runs an upscale romantic revenge business. For a fee, he will bring all of his hotness to bear on you in the presence of your ex to make that lousy jerk understand what he is missing, and dig up any malfeasance of which he is guilty just for an extra grind under your stiletto heel. Business is good and it couldn’t be done without his assistant, the one he has never met. Penny reveals herself when she needs her very own magnificent bastard to attend a family wedding with her and relieve the pressure of her awful mother who is marrying PENNY’S EX-BOYFRIEND.

Told almost exclusively from Bash’s perspective, and the man does not lack for confidence in himself, Magnificent Bastard is a marriage of convenience featuring a rake and a wallflower. Penny’s personal interjections into the story mostly take the form of the least professional, professional correspondence in the history of the world. It’s not often, or never really, that romances feature one of the words that I am not willing to speak out loud. It’s not an offensive one, but that the presence of emojis related to animals releasing bodily gasses takes a small, comic role in the book was a wonder to me. I don’t say that word, I don’t want to read it, and I don’t want characters in romantic situations including it in their texts, especially in so-called business interactions.

[insert non-ironic clutching of pearls here]

But enough about my hangups, how was Magnificent Bastard? It had some nice sizzle, a couple of funny moments, and the plotting was ridic. I’d use the full version of the last word in the previous sentence, but given the whole emoji situation, the shortened version seems apropos. Penny was sweet and Bash is so over-the-top pleased with himself and, hopefully, tongue-in-cheek vulgar (he refers to his wedding tackle as the “incredible bulk”) that it was mostly engaging, but devolved into silliness that the light tone could not overcome.

Links to my other reviews can be found on my complete reading list of books sorted by author or Author Commentary & The Tallies Shameful.

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Hammered Series: Manaconda by Taryn Elliott and Cari Quinn

I took great delight in telling people I had just bought/read a book called Manaconda. My husband very nearly injured himself with his frequent and violent eye rolling.

Contemporary romance characters often have supposedly glamourous professions and this Taryn Elliott and Cari Quinn series features rock stars which, it should be noted, is not the same as being musicians. Other occupations standing in for all those dukes and earls from historical romance include:

  1. successful actors
  2. professional football players
  3. professional hockey players
  4. billionaire business men (always non-specific and not particularly busy)
  5. former military elite force members (SEALs and the like)
  6. billionaire former military elite force member business men

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Hunter Jordan is the lead singer of a quickly climbing rock band called Hammered. Recently, he was interviewed and featured in Rolling Stone magazine. (Sidebar: Do you suppose the rest of the band was irked not to be included?) In the cover photo, Hunter’s jeans and pose conspired to reveal that he is in possession very impressive wedding tackle and is receiving a lot of attention for it. His record label is thrilled and has added an extra PR person, Kennedy, to his band’s support team.

Manaconda got off to a pretty good start with excellent sizzle between the leads and a playful use of the heightened reality in romances. Hunter and Kennedy are enormously attracted to each other, but she is career focused and doesn’t want to get involved. Hunter has his charms, mostly related to his efficacious use of the aforementioned prodigious reproductive organ and his work with animal shelters, and Kennedy succumbs to them. This good start was undercut by a repetitive structure finding them having an amazing night, things falling  apart, another amazing encounter, things falling apart, and Hunter desperately trying to win Kennedy back.  I have no objection to the spark and conflagration approach to romance, but I thought it showed a lack of effort to have Kennedy and Hunter come together and apart in exactly the same way twice.

Most significantly, Manaconda lost what I saw as an opportunity for wry social commentary. Hunter is mortified by the attention his mascupython is garnering, but at no point does he acknowledge that this is the kind of attention women get and have been told to take as flattering for (likely) the entirety of recorded history. Pity the financially secure, powerful, successful, good-looking rock star having to endure a few weeks of teasing for something every other aspect of the book, and culture, rewards him for.

This book inspired my list of Romance Novel Tropes That Need to Be Put Out of Their Misery  and contains four of them. Links to my other reviews can be found on my complete reading list of books sorted by author or Author Commentary & The Tallies Shameful.

Romance Novel Tropes That Need to Be Put Out of Their Misery

Romance novels are all I read and while I have no objection to the limited character types and story lines, there are recurring elements that I really could do without…

The notion that the hero “gives” the heroine orgasms as though this is some fantastical ability she is on the receiving end of instead of a participant in.

While we’re on the subject, the kind of toxic masculinity in which the hero announces he is going to and then takes great pride in “giving” the heroine many, many orgasms in one night. This leads to –

The heroine’s private parts being sore the next day because the sex was so good.

Bigger is not necessarily better. It’s just a start.

Calling the heroine “Babe” or “Cherry”. “Princess” is also on notice.

Nonsensically condensed timelines.

Lashing out, violent outbursts, and/or over-the-top jealousy as a sign of affection.

Experiments in prostitution.

The hero creating a new nickname out of the heroine’s name and persisting in using it even when she tells him not to.

The heroine who is allowed to have sex, even hooking up with the hero on the night they meet, but not those ______-bunnies over there. Those spurious bitches of questionable value and intent  don’t benefit from the same feminist perspective.

Sexist stereotyping and diminishment of  other women to elevate the heroine.

The Pig Becomes a Person is the contemporary romance’s version of the Reformation of a Rake and it’s more than a little icky to bang EVERYTHING that moves until you meet the magical uterus-bearer who can hypnotize the hero’s wedding tackle into submission.

Self-slut-shaming heroines have got to go.

Shopping sprees and makeovers to fashion the heroine into someone more attractive.

Former elite military member heroes.

Billionaires heroes.

Former military elite member billionaire heroes.

Heroes who are powerful in their every day life and then a dominant in their sex lives as well. That’s just megalomania.

Gay-for-you story lines. People can just be gay or bisexual. It doesn’t have to be a plot point.

Finding and vigorously occupying the wrong bed in the dark.

Reunion plots requiring all other relationships of the protagonists be have been bad or insignificant.

Extended separations with an “I kept myself only unto you” element.

Sexually inexperienced and/or repressed characters who instantly turn wanton.

Aristocratic heroes mentioning their responsibilities in the House of Lords. The less said about that outdated institution the better.

I’ll add more as they occur to me.

Links to my other reviews can be found on my complete reading list of books sorted by author or Author Commentary & The Tallies Shameful.

 

 

Once Upon a Half-Time: A Sports Romance and Bad Boy’s Bridesmaid by Sosie Frost

I have peered into a new corner of the contemporary romance genre with these two novels, one known as “secret baby”. Once Upon a Half-Time and Bad Boy’s Bridesmaid both feature a player and a sensible woman whose precipitous actions lead to an absolutely conventional conclusion.  These Sosie Frost books also happen to have an African-American heroine and a Caucasian-American hero. HUZZAH! for diversity, especially when it means that a romance novel looks more like the real world. The race issue is not particularly highlighted in Once Upon a Half-Time and Bad Boy’s Bridesmaid; in fact, it can be summarized by these exchanges in each novel:

Because I’m… and your…
She’s a… and your…

Typing that gave me a pain behind my eye. Could no one have caught it in either book?

I want to move on to the secret baby trope. It was the point of my reading selection and will give me a chance to shake my head in disappointment at the kids today who need to get off on my lawn.

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Once Upon a Half-Time – Lachlan and Elle

Lachlan and Elle spent an incendiary weekend in a hotel room when they met at an NFL scouting event in Las Vegas. As team photographer, Elle keeps her distance from Lachlan when he’s drafted by her employer and becomes a conflict of interest. He wants more from her and while Elle is very attracted to him, she feels it would be unprofessional and detrimental to her emotional health to become involved. Getting caught still naked by the entire team after an ill-advised locker room hookup, Lachlan reveals to all and sundry that the Las Vegas adventure was by way of a honeymoon as they had eloped at a local wedding chapel. He is mad for her. Elle remembers none of this, but agrees to go on three dates with Lachlan to give their relationship a chance. It’s an excellent beginning and I do so love a marriage of convenience plot.

Elle looked great when she was pissed. That was good for me. I was pretty sure she planned to pluck off my balls, grate them into dust, and spoon feed the remains to me.

Elle flicked her towel at me. “You take nothing seriously in this world except family.”
“I know, right? I’m so charmingly full of contradictions.”

The violet material caressed her with an almost vulgar modesty.
(I don’t know what that means, but I like it.)

Once Upon a Half-Time got off to a really fun start with snappy banter and a light tone. There were subplot machinations causing everyone stress and for which one could almost understand why Elle and Lachlan did not have that simple, revelatory conversation that could shorten the novel considerably. Almost. They both had secrets to keep, but being direct would have helped everyone involved.

I would have liked Once Upon a Half-Time a lot more if it weren’t for the whole “secret baby” genre niche. Lachlan and Elle have unprotected sex on one of their dates and she becomes pregnant, but keeps it secret; hence the trope. First of all, Elle doesn’t figure out she is knocked up, another woman points the signs to her. Secondly, I don’t care if Elle is on the pill, I refuse to believe that a sexually active young woman wouldn’t notice that she was pregnant, especially if she was vomiting frequently. Part of being a sexually active, non-menopausal woman is always being aware of the possibility of pregnancy, and the intestinal distress is certainly a giant red flag.

Lachlan and Elle work out their issues, resolve the machinations, and move forward together as committed, expectant parents in their early twenties. I hate this idea. They are  young and financially secure. They could travel. They could play. They could chase each other around the house naked. Why on earth would they want to tie themselves down? It’s all so safe. Live a little!  Make a pair bond, hold off on the nuclear family.

Speaking of the “we’re starting our family young” trope, I took this line from the next book to be Sosie Frost’s theme as a writer: “We’re men. We like to protect our woman and our families. What better way than to live with you, stay with you, take care of you?” I understand that the prosaic goal of building a happy home life as a family unit is an attainable escapism, but why move on to the next phase so soon?

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Bad Boy’s Bridesmaid – Nate and Mandy

Nate and Mandy have known each other all of their lives and, after one night of scorching hot sex, her status as the best lover he’s ever had, convinces Nate they should be together, at the very least, bodily. The reader knows she is Nate’s favourite because he mentions it constantly as though it is an important honour Mandy needs to know has been bestowed upon her.  I just hope she has a speech prepared and a suitable place to display her “NATE’S GREATEST LAY” trophy.

Mandy didn’t understand that she was the only woman who ever made
me want more. My cock had a mind of its own, and somehow, it
convinced the rest of me that it was a good idea to pursue her.

Nate’s a successful business owner, a brew pub which is so very au courant, and the estranged son of the local minister. Nate isn’t really a “bad boy” as the title suggests – they never are – he’s actually very responsible, he’s just sexually indiscriminate.

The rest of us? We had our fun, fucked our way through a relationship,
and then cut when the girl left her toothbrush overnight.

Against the background of Mandy’s intense morning sickness, her sister is getting married and giving bridezillas a bad name. It’s so over-the-top, I worried she had a chemical imbalance, but that would have been a different book entirely. Mandy’s parents are estranged and arguing about wedding costs, so our sweet heroine is just trying to hold everything together until after the nuptials when she can tell Nate about the baby. He’s hard for her to resist and they find themselves having mind-blowing encounters. To Mandy, I would like to give some wisdom from Amy Schumer’s movie Trainwreck:

Amy: You want to stay with the best [sex] you’ve ever had guy.
Kim: No you don’t. That’s a creepy guy. Best sex you’ve ever had guy is in jail.

It’s funny because it’s true, but Mandy didn’t listen to me, she just went on being a fictional character created at some point in the past and ended up with Nate and her now non-secret baby as they build a family together and, for some inexplicable reason, stay in contact with her genuinely awful relatives. They should have run to California like Nate had planned before giving everything up to do the minivan and kids thing.

Links to my other reviews can be found on my complete reading list of books sorted by author orAuthor Commentary & The Tallies Shameful.

 

Home for Three by Nicole Stewart

Prurience isn’t the best reason to read a romance novel featuring two men and a woman, but I willingly admit it was a key one for me in this case. The fact that Home for Three was free also contributed, as salaciousness for its own sake should always be a bargain. This contemporary romance features an established gay couple who meet the woman of their dreams.  Can the three of them find a way to create a family?

Home for Three is Queer Eye for the Straight Guy with a woman and coitus. Earning prurience demerits, the sex wasn’t particularly enjoyable; moreover, the writing included some odd choices, and, even for an escapist novel, the whole thing read like a silly female fantasy about cliched gay men who are only as gay as they need to be to fill your fashion and cultural needs, but still want to have sex with you.

Gay Selwyn* and bisexual Jack have been together for a year. When they need a realtor, Kess enters their lives and they both find themselves overwhelmingly attracted to her and she to them. After the usual romance novel kink trope – a “Mother May I?” phase for Kess –  the three become romantically involved. How could she possibly resist these stereotypical men who are attracted to men? “You’ve got two men with disposable income and creative flair, taking you to exclusive art shows and private poetry readings.”  Selwyn is a costume designer who makes snide comments about Kess’s wardrobe before treating her like a living doll and creating an entirely new one for her including admonishing her to wear matching bras and panties, while Jack is a successful sculptor who introduces her to the sophisticated world of high culture.  For a genre I love built on tropes and limited story lines, this was too much even for me. Kess gets to have it both ways and it’s poppycock.

Having been distracted by the especially implausible plotting, I’d like to move on to savouring writing choices made by Nicole Stewart.

Jack sighed as he slid his arms into a deep purple watered silk blouse.
(Note: He’s not cross-dressing.)

…Kess, with interest and apprehension, studied the two men sitting on the artisanal sofa.
(That’s a mic drop, that one is.)

There was a flautist improvising a score to accompany the poem , and Mitch tapped a drum with his fingertips.
(See? CULTURE!)

And you’ve hurt me, too. I am a guileless lover.
(He’s also a recalcitrant dishwasher and a gormless automechanic.)

LGBT romance recommendations can be found here.

Links to my other reviews can be found on my complete reading list of books sorted by author or Author Commentary & The Tallies Shameful.

*Selwyn is a person of colour which I mention because diversity in romance is welcome and needs to encouraged.

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In Too Deep by Mara Jacobs, and Kathryn Shay, and Tracey Alvarez, and Lucia Jordan

There are at least fifteen kissing books called In Too Deep on Amazon and it seemed to me that my ones of readers deserved to know how they stacked up. My criteria were simple. First, the title, second, it had to be gratis. With these rigorous investigational standards, I was able to acquire four In Too Deeps in three minutes.

The Freshman Roommates Series: In Too Deep by Mara Jacobs – Young adult contemporary

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Lily is a college freshman giving swimming lessons to local children when she meets Lucas. He has custody of his young brother, a criminal past, and is a recovering addict. Lily and Lucas fall in love as she is starting her life and he is trying to rebuild his. Things go sideways when he does something stupid and her privileged connections help save him. They recover and move forward with their relationship (as her parents, no doubt, have fits in the background).

This In Too Deep wins for most appropriate use of the phrase as Lily is almost unfathomably out of her depth in Lucas’s world. He’s a nice enough young man, but simultaneously extremely mature for his age and too young for what he has been asked to handle.  One of my reading notes simply said, “18.” I could say that I have learned Lily’s age is my line in the sand for the new adult genre because, as a Woman of a Certain Age,  18 is a child to me, but I have read really good romances with heroines that young (never the hero, I note),  so it all comes down to believable and interesting characters. This In Too Deep is not that book.

For the benefit of the doubt and what I assume is the target audience, I suppose that the plot was meant to appeal to the good girl/bad boy combination in which the hero’s ill-advised behavior is actually mostly in the past and adds a veneer of danger, but Lily is incredibly sheltered and a recovering addict charged with the care of his younger brother is a lot to believe she could cope with. Old enough to be her mother, I was horrified at the suggestion she would become involved with this young man, no matter how conscientious he was. Lily has neither the sand nor maturity to deal with the situation and Lucas’s sh*t is insufficiently together for him to be a good choice for her.

America’s Bravest Book 1: In Too Deep by Kathryn Shay – Adult contemporary novella

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Amazon: Kathryn Shay spent five years riding fire trucks with a large city fire department, eating in their firehouses and interviewing hundreds of America’s Bravest. Read the novellas that resulted from her intense relationship with firefighters!

The research may have been excellent, but this In Too Deep was a non-event. The Captain and one of his firefighters have the hots for each other, they fight the attraction to maintain professionalism, and then they get it on while trapped in a rubble filled basement.  I repeat: After a cave in and while stuck in debris and running out of oxygen, they make sweet, sweet love. Sure. Afterward, they pretend nothing happened, try to go on with their lives, but cannot fight what they had been repressing. It’s a non-problem and easily solved. More of a gesture than a novella, there was so little going on and so little at stake, even when they were going to die, that I didn’t understand the point of the book.

For a subplot, this In Too Deep has a local reporter trying to influence budget cuts by reporting on the firefighters on- and off-duty activities like some overzealous Hall Monitor. The firefighters respond by starting their own blog to highlight how hard they work, instead of, you know, ignoring her completely. Would the town they work for not have more oversight and influence than an ambitious reporter?

Since it’s not clear from what I wrote and that cover with only one person on it, this is a M/F romance, so I don’t even get to make any “firefighters and their hoses” jokes, or only half as many as I might have hoped to.

In Too Deep by Lucia Gordon

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Not a standalone novel, but a teaser volume, this In Too Deep was ridiculous. Rayne — her name is RAYNE, not “Rain” because that’s not quirky enough –, is tasked by her loathsome new corporate boss to attend a costume party for which he provides an obscene French maid costume, including undergarments, which she actually agrees to wear because that is the way large, successful companies treat their employees. Never mind ridiculous plotting, the former administrative professional in me rolled her eyes so hard, I sprained my optic nerve. If the rest of this review is erratic, blame the eye patch.

Bored at the party she has been obliged to attend dressed like a “whore”, Rayne meets a mysterious man, she calls him Crasher (my eye!) and the romance commences. Of course, by “romance”, I mean they get busy and, as is so often the case in contemporary, post 50 Shades of Grey books, he’s immediately very dominant and she loves every minute of it. So I have to ask for the umpteenth time: Doesn’t this kind of relationship require some kind of negotiation before one of you starts giving orders, slapping the other’s tushie, pulling hair, and biting? Moreover, why do all these billionaire corporate types (SPOILER) want power in the bedroom? Is being a rich, white, privileged guy at the top of the entitled heap not enough for these men? Why is it never the “this world was made for me” guy who wants to be slapped around and humiliated? Can you imagine what an enormous asshat he must be to crave more dominance? What absolute twaddle.

If you are still with me at this point in my TL:DR review and you feel compelled to read an In Too Deep, this next one is what I would recommend.

Due South Series Book 1: In Too Deep: A New Zealand Enemies to Lovers Second Chances Romance by Tracey Alvarez

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What a lovely cover!

In Too Deep had an exotic setting, unusual leads, and a reunion plot. Piper Harland has taken a break from her kick ass job as a police rescue diver and returned to her remote, island hometown in New Zealand to help out with her brother’s boat charter and diving business. She strikes a bargain to work at her ex-boyfriend’s family restaurant in exchange for his help with the charters. Ryan “West” Westlake is the man she left behind when she went to the mainland to become a police officer.

In addition to the love story, this In Too Deep is about life in a small New Zealand town which was, for me, a unusual location and while people are people everywhere you go, the setting counted to me as romantic. West and Piper both live for their time on and in the water, he is a competitive free diver, but while she loves it, her own personal trauma is making it hard for her to continue. Unbeknownst to her family and West, her work triggers memories of a personal loss that both inspired her choice of profession and complicates it.  The story struck a good balance between the heightened reality of a love story and the down-to-earth elements of their island life.  West and Piper (two great names) have to get over their past relationship mistakes and their own issues to find a way to move forward together. I liked the novel, but not enough to continue the series.

Links to my other reviews can be found on my complete reading list of books sorted by author or Author Commentary & The Tallies Shameful.

 

 

 

 

The Seattle Sullivans: The Way You Look Tonight by Bella Andre

Is this what is known as a beach read in that it is something disposable you can follow easily whilst also making sure your toddler doesn’t drown? Bella Andre’s contemporary romance The Way You Look Tonight is one of the most obvious, pedestrian, and stereotypically bad novels I have ever read. Book one of a series, The Seattle Sullivans, that I will not only not be reading, it is one I would gladly use volumes of for a campfire.

Rafe Sullivan is a physically attractive private detective whose successful business investigating cheaters has left him disillusioned. When his realtor sister shows up telling him he needs to take a vacation and buy back his family’s lake house, he agrees. Arriving at the house the next evening, he runs into his old neighbour, Brooke, who just happens to be, HOMG, so hot. They knew each other as children and last saw one another when she was 8 and he was 14. Brooke is a bubbly and bright chocolatier living in the lake house she inherited from her grandparents. As Rafe’s new home is in sad shape, Brooke invites him to stay with her while he fixes it up. The entire story takes place over five days. Some commentary, including notes I made while reading:

Trite and is that a commercial kitchen?

“He couldn’t lie to her, couldn’t pretend he didn’t want her more than he’d ever wanted another woman in his life.” It’s been TWENTY-FOUR HOURS!

FFS (Rafe had just placed his hands around his brother’s throat for commenting on Brooke’s attractiveness.)

“There was no point trying to deny that what they were doing had turned into so much more than sex.” THREE DAYS!

He could hear the shower running, and knew he should leave her to finish washing up alone, especially after the way he’d taken her last night – hard enough that she might be sore.” a. That is not how good sex works and b. Could I get a volunteer to take this trope out behind the woodshed and put it out of its misery?

He installed kitchen cabinets alone?

But how could you possibly justify running a background check on me?” But how could you possibly get access to all of her personal financial records in the space of 12 hours or, you know, AT ALL?

“Don’t you know me at all after the past week? Or how about after we practically grew up together.” It’s been FOUR DAYS and you were EIGHT and he was FOURTEEN the last time you saw each other. Yours is not a reunion of twin souls.

“You really do love my brother, don’t you?” “…I always have.” Again: You were EIGHT YEARS OLD. You were not in love with him. You hadn’t started puberty yet. You probably still wanted to marry your cat.

“I wanted to believe we could make this work, that we could love each through the rough patches, but—” “We can, we will. Let me start by loving you right, Brooke.”  FIVE DAYS

“Although Rafe now had a newly renovated and furnished home, a home that had once been filled with the love and laughter…” Have I stressed this enough? FIVE DAYS! He cleaned out, ripped up all the linoleum, laid flooring, installed appliances, found an old family photo in the attic of a house that had been a rental for almost two decades because of course he did, painted, and furnished a house unfit for human habitation in FIVE DAYS!

She wasn’t just in his arms a moment later…she was finally home.” This book is so bad. When will it be over so I can stop reading it? It’s a soap opera’s notion of romance.

The Way You Look Tonight was trite, banal, hackneyed, hokey, cliched, facile, and mashed itself into what was, even for this genre, the most nonsensically condensed timeline I have ever read. Henceforth, I will be avoiding all Bella Andre books like the plague and thanking my lucky stars that this one was free.

Links to my other reviews can be found on my complete reading list of books sorted by authoror Author Commentary & The Tallies Shameful.

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Heart-Shaped Hack: Kate and Ian #1 by Tracey Garvis Graves

Worst Read of the Year Contender!

All-around good person, Kate, runs a local food bank. Desperate for funds, she makes a local TV appearance asking for donations. Her storefront is delighted to receive a recurring anonymous monthly donation of $1,000. It always arrives in a paper bag and Kate delights in dumping the money out. If it’s singles and the local peeler bar is taking contributions, it might work. If it’s $5 or $10 bills, it’s still vaguely okay, but if the bills are any larger, and the implication is that they are, it’s just plain silly. I worked for a  non-profit housing organization and spent one week every month at a little desk in Accounts Receivable counting rents paid in cash. It was dirty, I found little rubber finger-tip covers in my pockets every laundry day, and it also taught me that a lot of money can fit into a little pile. The idea that the anonymous donor would send some sort of “make it rain” gesture in a paper bag was nonsense. Had he no access to envelopes when taking cash out from the ATM?

Kate wants to find out who her benefactor is and manages to catch him, our hero,  Ian, and he immediately starts commenting on how hot she looked when she was on the news and gives her nicknames. It’s presumptuous, but potentially forgivable. The next time they meet, Ian has found Kate at a local coffee shop by hacking into her bank accounts to discover where her last financial transaction took place. He learned she had bought coffee and a blueberry muffin at the shop (her bank’s records are really precise, apparently) and decided to pop over to say hello. Kate is shocked, but Ian assures her he didn’t take any of her money. This was the point at which I stopped reading Heart-Shaped Hack. Do I really have to explain why?

Links to my other reviews can be found on my complete reading list of books sorted by author or Author Commentary & The Tallies Shameful.

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Rookie Mistake by Tracy Ward

I found Tracy Ward’s new adult contemporary sports romance, Rookie Mistake, in the “multicultural and interracial romance” section on Amazon. Wanting more diversity in my favoured genre, I have been making a point of seeking it out.  Please note that in this same “multicultural and interracial romance” section, Amazon also lists shape-shifter romances such as Alpha Rancher Bear: BWWM Bear Shifter Paranormal Romance which, correct me if I’m wrong, qualifies as neither multicultural nor interracial but may, depending on their retrospective corporeal forms during consummation, qualify as inter-species, so it’s an inaccurate AND offensive category. A for effort there, Amazon.

Trey Domato is finishing up his college football career and gearing up for the Draft and joining the NFL. He knows where he wants to be and is hoping to find an agent to help him get there. Sloane Ashford is the junior agent in her father’s sports management firm and she has been watching Trey’s career for years. She wants to represent him and will do almost anything, including taking a backseat to her selfish and self-interested father, to get Trey signed. Her dad might not be sure about Trey’s potential, but Sloane is.

Rookie Mistake follows Trey and Sloane as they grapple with the professional worlds they have each chosen. Imprudently, they fall in love along the way and, unrealistically, they think they can fight their attraction The novel struck a good balance between young people finding their way, while also acknowledging that to get to where they are, each of them has also had to be mature and focused. I liked Trey and Sloane, but the writing had some issues and wasn’t compelling enough to get me to continue with Ward’s Offensive Line series. There are occasional awkward word choices (“I watch her swallow. Watch her thin neck constrict under her perfect skin that leads down over her collar-bone, Over her breastplate.”) and things I wasn’t quite sure what to make of, such as this –

I met her last year at a frat party, shared a bottle of Jack with her on the roof of the place, and by morning we were buddies, of each variety. She’s chill. Laidback and always down for a good time, but she’s not easy. She’s not one of these groupies running around in the wake of the team giving it up for anyone with a jersey on their back. I’m the only guy she’s sleeping with on the team, though not the only guy at the school, but the team is what’s important. I share a lot with these guys. Probably too much. I don’t think it’s too much to ask to not dip my wick in the same well.

Where do I start with that paragraph? I feel like it’s going seven directions at once and several of them make me uncomfortable.

New Adult romance recommendations can be found here. Links to my other reviews can be found on my complete reading list of books sorted by author or Author Commentary & The Tallies Shameful.

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The Hazards of Skinny Dipping by Alyssa Rose Ivy and Ransom by Rachel Schurig

To be clear, I am phoning it in so much with these two that I am putting two unrelated contemporary romances in one review, borrowing plot summaries from Amazon, and giving myself the personal challenge of reacting to both as succinctly as possible. I thought I had purchased new adult romances, but it turned out I had purchased young adult romances. It’s apparently a very fine line and I suspect down to tone as much as anything else. The Hazards of Skinny Dipping and Ransom are more coming of age stories than people starting out in life and finding each other tales.I have learned this is of no interest to me. I will be continuing to avoid of young adult books no matter how highly recommended they are.

The Hazards of Skinny Dipping by Alyssa Rose Ivy (Reed/Juliet)

From Amazon: This isn’t a deep book about first loves or self-discovery. If you want a book like that, I’d be happy to recommend one, but I don’t have that kind of story to tell. Instead my story is about rash decisions and finding out that your dream guy is bad in bed. It’s the story of when I finally went skinny dipping, and how my life was never the same again. Oh, and it’s also the story of my freshman year of college and realizing Mr. Right might have been there all along.

Except that it is a book about those things. A boring one about a young woman, maybe even technically still a  girl, who makes some bad relationship decisions before figuring out how to make good ones. The writing (originally mistyped that as “writhing” which will be the highlight of this review experience for me) was fine, the characters simple, the coming age welcome and necessary. It’s the girl’s story from start to end and I have no interest in characters who aren’t really themselves yet. I have read heroines this young before, just not this immature. I like a little more emotional mileage on my lead characters.

Ransom by Rachel Schurig (Daltrey/Daisy)

From Amazon: Daisy Harris has no reason to suspect that her day will be any different than usual. She’ll get through it the way she always does—alone. She won’t speak or make eye contact. She’ll do her best to go completely unnoticed. That’s what life is like for Daisy now—an endless cycle of loneliness and fear. A life lived hiding behind the walls she so faithfully maintains. It’s been a year since she’s seen Daltrey Ransome. A year since he and his brothers left town to pursue their dreams of rock and roll superstardom. A year since he left Daisy behind—left her to watch as everything she knew crumbled around her. And now that Daltrey has found her—the girl he’s loved his entire life, the girl he’d give up everything for—he’s determined never to let her go again.

First things first, all the boys in this family are named after rock stars and Daltrey is a totally cool moniker. His brothers are Cash, Lennon, and Reed, also funky and nicely justifiable from a “romance novel names are ridonkulous” perspective.

I liked Ransom much better than the naked swimming book, but again the characters were younger than I could relate to. They were sweet and sympathetic, the supporting characters good friends to them. Everything ticked along in their new , crazy-successful and a pretty good coming of age story even if it was more than a might tropey and I can only imagine what that much success at that young an age would do to people.

Daltrey had brothers and each of them has a book, but I’ll be giving them a miss. These darn whippersnappers are going to be staying off my lawn.

Last things last, the family/band name of Ransom sounded too much like Hanson and I had that damn MMMBop song stuck in my head while reading. Maybe you do now as well. You’re welcome.

New Adult romance recommendations can be found here. Links to my other reviews can be found on my complete reading list of books sorted by author or Author Commentary & The Tallies Shameful.