Low Tide Bikini by Lyla Dune

Low Tide Bikini was free and yet somehow overpriced. I genuinely respect people who complete writing a book, and in this case a series, but the accomplishments of writing a book and writing a good book are two very different things. Lyla Dune’s writing is clichéd and facile, the plot and characters sophomoric. If it is the work of a teenaged writer, I commend the effort, if not, it’s unsuccessful escapism, a Lifetime movie of a novel.

From Amazon: Sam Carlisle is the double bass player in the all girl jazz ensemble, Bikini Quartet. When she breaks down on the drawbridge, a panty-melting-muscle-man, who she later discovers is her new landlord, comes to her rescue. Brock Knight is a retired rugby player from Wales. He’s eager to get away from the paparazzi that hound him day and night. When he moves into his new beach house on Pleasure Island, North Carolina before Sam has a chance to relocate, he learns the proper way to shag.

Rather than go into the story, characters, and their respective downfalls, I have decided to give you a look at just one scene as an example, specifically Sam and Brock’s relationship consummation. After some standard romance novel comeheregoaway, they are ready to take their love to the next level, which is good as Brock, despite being a grown-ass man, has trouble controlling his bodily reactions in Sam’s presence. They adjourn to her bedroom to get it on. Once there, Brock turns Sam away from the bed to face the dresser. Throughout the event, he is behind her and she always has, as I recall, either one or both knees up on said dresser. I have some queries I believe to relevant:

  1. How tall is the dresser?
  2. How wide is it? How deep?
  3. Is it part of a set?
  4. Is it a chifforobe? (I just wanted to use the word “chifforobe”.)
  5. Is it well built? As well-built as Brock?
  6. What is the dresser made of? Is it wicker?
  7. If it is wicker, wouldn’t that hurt Sam’s knees, potentially pinch, and/or have those little pokey edges from broken reeds?
  8. Is the pinchy, pokey wicker dresser also creaky?
  9. Is the dresser made of wood? If so, are the edges squared or rounded? Sharp edges could really hurt, especially the corners.
  10. Did the wicker and/or wood dresser leave marks on Sam’s skin?
  11. Is there a mirror? Is her head bumping into it?
  12. Does Sam keep a lot of things on top of the dresser? Are they rattling?
  13. Is the top slippery?
  14. How does Sam keep her balance?

Like this love scene, the story elements in Low Tide Bikini masquerade as sexy fun, but are poorly thought out and thrown together. Spare your eyes the rolling and skip this series.

Links to my other reviews can be found on my complete reading list of books sorted by author or Author Commentary & The Tallies Shameful which includes the aforementioned observations.

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